The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
