I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
