Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
