There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
