No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
