Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
