I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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