I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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