I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
