the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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