I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
