We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
