Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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