no, he came in my armpit
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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