they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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