I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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