I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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