Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
