I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
