you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
