You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
