toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
