Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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