I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
