i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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