I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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