she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
