My liver just broke up with me...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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