It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
