"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
