somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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