In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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