pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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