Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
