You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
