P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
