so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
