Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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