Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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