So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
