Old men and throwing up are my life now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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