the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
