am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
