you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
