just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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