I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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