She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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