umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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