yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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