I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
