Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
