Soap is not a condiment
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
