I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
