Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
