At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
home. puking in laundry basket.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
