i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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