I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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