I think my fart just growled at me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I AM VODKA MAN
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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