Can i not drive my cunt home
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
this beer tastes like vomit already
We got so high we made milksteak
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
