Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
