the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
