...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
