I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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