So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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