so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
