Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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