Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
