Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
