I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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