I think im going to throw up on grandma
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
