she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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