how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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