She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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