Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
