im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
