Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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