Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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