Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
