Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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