Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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