why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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